Letting Go of the World Proved Satisfying

Morgan shares, “My first thought was, I have cancer and I'm gonna die. And I was so scared. I was just crying.” Morgan Ross was just 21 when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Morgan recalled, “So this thought was brought to my mind, and it was, if you are going to die from this, who would come to your funeral? Because what have you done to impact anybody? Or what have you done to impact this world in any way.”

Morgan had strayed far from her Christian upbringing. While she knew her mom and dad loved her, she felt their ‘rules’ were strict and confining. Morgan remembered, “I couldn't have my cell phone passed a certain time at night. I wasn't able to watch TV past a certain time. And I thought all this was really unfair. I often compared my life with my friends' lives, and they didn't have all these rules. At this point, I didn't really have a relationship with God. I most certainly believed in God and I believed in Jesus, but I didn't spend time with him.”

Morgan rebelled at 17, when she began hanging out with friends who would drink and party throughout the week. Morgan said, “Drinking gave me, I guess, confidence. I got a lot of attention and I really liked having all the attention and just going out and meeting new people.”

Morgan would spend the first three years after high school living at home, working odd jobs, and partying. Then at 21, she moved an hour away to attend Columbus State Community College. No longer under her parents’ oversight, she took her rebellion to another level: working at a bar and drinking even more. She also met a guy she was convinced she would one day marry. Her grades, relationships…everything in her life began falling apart.

Morgan recalled, “And as a result of my drinking, there were many areas of my life that were very chaotic. My roommates, I was getting in arguments with them. My relationship with my family wasn't great. I was very selfish.”

After one semester, Morgan dropped out of school. Now beginning to see the consequences of her choices, she began asking God for help. Morgan shared, “Lord, please help me to get out of this lifestyle that I'm living. I don't wanna live like this anymore. I just kind of sat there and this thought kind of come in my head and it was, how long will you continue to say the same prayer until something changes?”

Within two weeks, after excruciating pain in her lower abdomen, Morgan was in the hospital getting the news – ovarian cancer. Thankfully, they caught it early, but Morgan took it as a wake-up call.

Morgan said, “What have you done to impact this world in any way? And then God kind of just spoke to my heart and he was like, this is what this life is all about. And I realized in that moment how selfish I had been living which was all about me. And God was just telling me like, 'you are here to love and to help others.'”

Morgan moved back home after surgery and three months of chemotherapy. After being declared cancer free she began going to church, but Morgan's heart would continue to be divided between God and the man she’d thought she would marry.
Morgan recalled, “The idea of letting go of this relationship was really hard. I truly loved him. And he had been so supportive to me throughout my cancer diagnosis. And so I thought, 'Lord, I don't want to get out of this relationship. I don’t want to end this relationship. Can’t I just do it both?' I almost felt like, you know, a hypocrite, almost like I would live Monday through Thursday talking with the Lord and spending time with the Lord. And then on the weekend I was still making time for this boyfriend and doing the things that he wanted to do.”

After five years of living with a heart divided, Morgan had to make a choice. Morgan shared, “I remember just saying, just breaking down and just saying, 'Lord, I'm trying to live differently. I really am trying.' And that was a moment where the Lord was like, 'that is what surrender is, is realizing that you can't do it on your own.' So, it was at that point where my desires had changed and I no longer wanted to go out and drink. And I, I was able to, I was able to stay away from it. I didn't even have a desire to go out.”

Morgan began devoting more and more of her time to pursuing God until, finally, she had surrendered every area of her life to Christ, including her love life. She broke up with her boyfriend, and in October 2020 at 27 years old, Morgan was baptized. Morgan said, “It felt so good to not live this double lifestyle, to just be fully committed to the Lord, and just the joy and the peace that He gave me. And just knowing that God fulfills all these needs and these desires that I have in my heart, and I don’t need to search for it in drinking or being out. I just felt a sense of freedom.”

Today, Morgan is a registered nurse. She hopes one day to be married, this time to a man who shares and understands her love for God and his unfailing mercy and grace.

Morgans shared, “God is just so loving, and so forgiving, and so kind, and so patient. And I'm just so thankful that He never gave up on me. For those who are struggling in their relationship with the Lord, because maybe you are still caught up in that old life, you're living a double lifestyle, I would just encourage you to just continue to stay close to the Lord, just continue to pray, and He will make those changes in you. You just have to surrender it to Him.”