Forgiving Sexual Predator Brought Healing

Alicia recalls, “I said, 'I don't want to do this and they forced me to get an abortion.' And even on that table, it felt like a part of me was gone. That I died.” For years, Alicia Nicolas was violated by the person who was supposed to protect her…her father. It started when she was five.

Alicia remembers, “I found my dad at the edge of my bed, molesting me. And I didn't know what to do as a child. And I was scared because the first thing that came out of his mouth was he covered my mouth. And he said, ‘you tell anybody, I'm gonna hurt you.’”

Every day for nine years the molestation continued. At one point, Alicia told her mother who said it was her fault. Ironically, they went to church as a family, where her shame grew even worse.

Alicia says, “I remember repenting in the church and asking God for forgiveness because I'm having sex with my father. I would literally just shower every day and just try to scrape myself off with everything that he was always putting on me. And when I saw myself in the mirror, I still saw myself full of sin. Sometimes I couldn't even see myself in the mirror.”

Then at 14, she became pregnant with her father’s baby. He forced her to have an abortion. Alicia shares, “I just wanted a father to love me. I would get thoughts of suicide. I would get thoughts of like, slicing my wrist, slicing my throat, throwing myself out of moving cars or throwing myself out of a moving bus. I hated myself every day.”

Eventually abandoned by her parents at 15, Alicia would carry her shame for years to come. She would live for years drinking and addicted to ecstasy, a cycle she could only end after she overdosed at 20 years old after getting in a car accident with friends.

Alicia recalls, “I'm thinking in the car like, 'okay, God. You know, this life that I've been living, it's been against you. Just let me live this once because you owe me this much.' God saved me that day.”

Although Alicia stopped using drugs she continued drinking, trying to drown out the painful memories of her childhood and the demonic voices telling her to kill herself. She also delved into many religions searching for God and for love, but none of them filled the void in her heart. Then at 25, she was introduced to Santeria. She was taking part in a blood baptism when she called on God again.

Alicia shares, “I started praying. I said, 'I'm so sorry, Jesus. I'm so sorry. God, I'm sorry I'm doing this. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me that I'm doing this and I'm doing this against you.' I did not think that I was worthy enough for Him to answer me. God is a God of peace. God is God of love. And I didn't feel that, I still felt that anxiety. I still felt those suicidal thoughts.”

Alicia left Virginia for Miami where she quickly fell into the party scene. She became an alcoholic where she went from drinking wine to bottles of hard liquor. Then, a childhood friend, who was a Christian, invited Alicia to church for Easter Sunday.

Alicia remembers, “The song was playing are you overwhelmed by your sin? And he says, 'Jesus is calling.' So, I remember I was shaking like a leaf and I was like, God showed me my life. And I was like, 'okay, God, all I ask for you today is to take bottle away from me.’ In the moment where I told God to take this bottle away from me, I felt delivered. I felt this weight off of me.”

Alicia stopped partying and drinking and started praying…for a husband.

Alicia shares, “And I said, ‘God, if you can send me someone that’s gonna love me for me. And God, can you send me someone funny because these guys here, are dry. They don’t know how to make me laugh and I need to laugh.’”

Five months later, in May 2017, Alicia ordered an Uber to go to a job interview. The driver, Jon, who happened to be a professional comedian immediately made her laugh. As they started dating, the new couple also began reading the bible together. Alicia says that’s when her healing journey began.

Alicia says, “The Lord started showing me who I was, and He started showing me my identity. And I had to face the person of my past that I did not want to face. I had to face the molestation. I had to face the rape. And brick by brick, the wall’s gonna start coming down.”

One day, while watching a series about the Bible on the internet, Alicia repented and fully surrendered her life to God. Alicia remembers, “And I said, ‘Lord, forgive me for everything that I've done against you.’ I said it in that moment, but I continued to say it even afterward.”

In November later that year, Alicia got baptized and also married Jon. Alicia says, “My husband would always put sticky notes with scriptures on the mirror for me. This is who God says you are. The way those memories of the past disappeared was when my husband would read the word over me while we'd be in prayer.”

It was then she called her father … and forgave him. Alicia shares, “I said, 'Dad, I forgive everything that you've done to me.’ And he started weeping and he said, ‘I'm sorry for everything that I did to you.’ I didn't have to carry the burden anymore of what happened to me.”

Alicia loves her new life with Jon and their family. Alicia has a ministry called, Prepare the Way, where she ministers to women who have been sexually abused or trafficked. She tells them about a God who can mend any broken area of their lives and give them a new identity.

Alicia says, “Jesus is the one who saved me, the one who restored me, the one who redeemed me, and the one who showed me the Father's love that I never knew. So, if He could do that to me, He can do that for you.”

For more information about Alicia Nicolas' ministry, Prepare the Way, please locate her at Alicia31nicolas@gmail.com; her Instagram handle: @preparetheway08; Facebook: preparetheway, and preparetheway08@gmail.com.