The Love of God Heals Young Widow

“My mind would just spin in circles,” Christina said as she recalled one of the most difficult times of her life. “It’s just this everyday heaviness. This sadness that you can’t run from.”

Christina and her husband, Carmine, were married a year and half when they welcomed their daughter, Roma, into the world. It should have been one of the most joyous times of their lives, but it soon became clear that something was wrong with Carmine.

“He told me that he had these headaches,” Christina said as tears welled up in her eyes. “I just remember when he used those words, ‘Can you just make Roma like stop crying, it hurts.’ Because if you knew Carmine, you know that he really wanted a family, and he was so happy to have Roma. He loved her very much. When she was born and up until about a month-and-a-half it was just pure joy and pure bliss.”

Carmine went to the doctor, but his headaches were dismissed as stress related and he returned home. The headaches only worsened in the coming days, until one night Christina woke to the smell of something burning on the stove. She went downstairs to investigate and that’s when Carmine had a seizure.

“It all happened so fast,” Christina said crying. “I sat myself in his lap to try to control his body movements.”

Christina quickly called 911, however, by the time Carmine got to the hospital it was too late. He’d suffered a severe brain abscess that caused massive swelling and bleeding. The doctors said there was nothing they could do and he was taken off life support.

“I knew that when I left the room it would be the last time that I’ll see him,” Christina said. “I walked down the hallway and I just – I felt so alone.”

The pain of losing Carmine was overwhelming for Christina. The love of her life was gone and she now had to raise Roma by herself.

“I felt unequipped,” Christina said. “I felt nervous and mad, and angry that I had to do this on my own. Like, why me? What have I done? I literally just had a baby, and we were just starting our family life together, and it was just taken from me. All of those thoughts and questions flooded my mind every single day. I was raised in a Christian home and my faith was always pretty strong, but it wasn’t until Carmine passed away that I really leaned on God more than I ever had before.”

Christina prayed that God would help her and turned to encouraging verses in the Bible whenever oppressive thoughts entered her mind. “I’ve seen people within my own family turn away from God,” Christina said. “I’ve seen firsthand what that looks like, and I did not want Roma to see me fall into that. I have to show her what it looks like to trust God. I chose to read my Bible and read what God said, and trust that He was going to provide me with the love that I needed to get me through.”

For the next two years, Christina struggled with the persistent grief that weighed on her heart. But then something slowly began to change within her.

“I think that I had just come to this realization within my spirit that God wants to see me happy again,” Christina said. “There is joy, I know there is joy somewhere. I felt that I was ready to find that joy.”

Some of her heaviness began to lift as she took Roma to New York to visit a friend. While attending a local church she met the worship leader, Alan.

“The thought of falling in love again never crossed my mind,” Christina said. “I had become so close in my relationship with Jesus – I was good. When I first met Alan, I noticed that there were feelings there. But a part of me was like, ‘I can’t do that.’ I felt guilty, because in my mind and in my heart I was still married to Carmine."

As she prayed, Christina realized that God was opening up her heart to this opportunity – the chance to love and be loved by someone again. And then Roma did something that helped confirm those feelings.

“Roma doesn’t give high fives to anybody,” Christina said smiling. “And she gave him a high five. That was a pretty big deal for us.”

Christina and Alan eventually married and moved to California. Together, they’ve had two daughters, Brooklyn and Virginia. Along with Roma, the five of them have found peace and immense joy, which Christina credits all to God answering her prayers.

“God has been really good through the whole entire journey of my grief,” Christina said. “He brought Alan into my life. Roma loves him like he’s her dad. It’s very special because she says all the time, ‘I have a daddy in heaven that loves me, but I also have a daddy here that loves me just as much.’ I want people to know that choosing to trust God doesn’t take away your circumstances, but choosing to trust God does provide you everything you need to get through it. That’s exactly what He did for me.”