Anthony Evans on His Road to Emotional Wellbeing
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“Hey, I'm Anthony Evans. I am a worship leader and author, and a producer from Dallas, Texas. I'm also a preacher's kid, which some of you may know. My dad, his name is Dr. Tony Evans.
It was hard for me. And it wasn't just because my parents were pastors. It was the pressure that came along with being that. Because I would hear people say, you know, oh my gosh, you're Tony Evans Jr. Are you going to be just like your dad? People would say that to me all the time. And they just thought they were saying something fun and passing, and they had no idea. It felt like they were put giving me a cinder block to hold while I was treading water.
I spent most of my younger years, most of my childhood hurting internally while projecting that I was okay to my family and my close friends. That is what made being a preacher's kid a little bit hard for me, and then how I was built. I'm a very emotional person. But, as a kid, I didn't understand these floods of emotions that I would have all the time, and I didn't know how to deal with them. So, I would internalize them.
Growing up it was kind of like, 'Have you prayed about it?' And I'm like, yeah. I mean, what do you mean? 'Have you read this verse? Have you?' And the thought of adding anything to that, to prayer and reading God's word is like, almost came off to me like blasphemous to think that you could get additional help reading the verse, be anxious for nothing. Like that's amazing. I need practical tools on how to be anxious for nothing. So, that's what held me back, was thinking maybe there's something wrong with my spiritual life.
There’s, there's so many instances. I just remember, one time being on stage, having just gone through a broken engagement, and singing about the faithfulness of God. I just felt crazy standing up there at that point singing what everlasting God, or, you know, faithful rises way upon the Lord. So, I, in between songs, I started telling this audience all my business. I mean, I'm sure at some point they were like, we just came to worship. Like, stop telling us all this, it's too much. But I was, I was broken. I, and autopilot was no longer going to work. It was not going to work. There was going to be a crash if I did not address it. So, I remember walking off that stage and going and sitting with my father and being like, I got to do something here because this is, this is no longer going to work for me.
When I met my current therapist, Stacy Kaiser, I was actually in a place of desperation. What really got me on the road to recovery was a meeting with Stacy, she just stopped the session, stopped all the kind of clinical stuff, and she goes, 'Okay, hold it. I just want you to know that I am sitting here from you, and I feel like I'm supposed to tell you that God is with you in this. And I have never seen somebody as covered as you are.' If a pastor would've told me that, I would've been like, yeah, of course. I mean, God's covering, but for her to tell me that, it was... it was different. And that's what started my true road to healing. Because for some reason I believe that while you're in the mess, God's not with you. It's get yourself together and then God will be with you. And she stopped that session to say, 'No, no, no, no. God's with you in this and He wants to walk each step with you as you get yourself together.'
Super, super freeing. Absolutely, that changed everything.
You know what? I actually like who I am today. My former self didn't know the true value of me without doing something for it. My former self didn't understand the concept of being accepted without having to perform for it.
Do you like living with yourself? And if you don't, there is a master renovator who is ready when you give Him the keys, now you got to do the work. But when you give Him the keys, He will come in and start to do renovations that will make you so happy to live with yourself.
If you trust what the Lord says that He's going to finish what He started, there will be a renovation that happens very soon if you stick to it, that will be so worth the pain you're facing now.
'God, I pray, Lord, that their hearts right now would be encouraged that they would not feel alone. That, You would show them what the next step is and that You will remind them that one step in the right direction followed by another will end you up in the place that you want to be. Thank You so much for Your provision in our lives and Your peace and Your healing that you promise to bring. We love you with all that. We are in Your name we pray. Amen.'”
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