Finding Freedom in An Unlikely Place

“A man and I had gotten into an altercation where I thought he was going to rob me and take my drugs and money. And then I pulled a gun on him and put it in his face. And I was like, 'Oh my goodness, how did I get to the place where I'm about to take someone's life over drugs and money?' This isn't who I am and this isn't what my life is supposed to be like,” said Tasha Hill.  

Her father died in prison when she was seven years old, her mom's drug addiction left Tasha living with her aunt and uncle, who were devout Christians and leaders in their church.

“I loved going to church. I loved being in the house of the Lord," recalled Tasha. “I went to this revival and it was the first time I felt the power of God drawing me. And I found myself down at the altar praying. I got on fire for God until about 14 years old. I got involved with a guy, an older guy, and I ended up losing my purity and doing drugs all in the same day. I was still going to church. Then I began to live this double life. Getting deeper into the world, I began to despise the house of God. About 15 years old, I started cutting myself and having these periods of blacking out. At 16 years old, I had my first drug overdose. By the time I was 17, I had my first child. At 18, I had my first jail stay. So, I just began to spiral deeper into this mess. Years went on. I had more children. I had four boys. As I went, I would be in and out of jail. I would have my children. I would have to let them go stay with people. I had such self-hatred, and shame, and guilt that I held against myself. I was like, 'How am I doing the very same thing to my children that really destroyed me?' But I didn't know how to get out. I was a slave. I was a slave to it.”

Over the next decade, Tasha was in and out of jail over 30 times for drug-related crimes. She always planned on new beginnings, yet returned to the same darkness that consumed her life.

Tasha recalls, “I went to jail and there was this woman I remember in the holding cell. She just looked like someone's sweet grandmother. She called me by my name. She said, "'Tasha, you've got to go home and take care of your children.' I looked at her, and I was like, 'Do I know you? How do you know my name? Just be quiet and don't talk to me.' But she began to stare straight in my eyes and say, 'Call out to God before it's too late.' When she said that, I just began to weep and cry because what she was saying was true. I needed to go home and take care of my children. She grabbed my hand and began to pray with me. It's like the Spirit of Truth, Holy Spirit Himself, stepped in that jail cell and washed over me. It's like I could hear and see for the first time all these lies that I believed that kept me from going forward. That kept me from even repenting, admitting my responsibility to these things, and changing. At that moment, I began to realize I'm here because I put myself here. I didn't think I could get out. But when that lady was praying for me, the Lord literally washed over my mind. From that day forward, I was different. I was awakened to the things of God, and I had conviction for the very first time by His Spirit.”

Tasha no longer found satisfaction in drugs, and she started turning her life around. Yet something was still missing.

“I was in and out of church,” says Tasha. “The Lord was drawing me. I was praying, but I still had thoughts about killing myself sometimes. My mind wasn't right. I would say things just out of the blue. I knew it was demonic. I knew it was something. I would try to pray and say, 'In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, leave me. Leave me now.' But I would feel like release for a moment, and then it would be back on me.”

For several months, Tasha's mental torment continued until one day she encountered a pastor at a fall festival. She went up to him and said, "'Sir, can you please pray with me and help me? I have these intrusive thoughts and I have these thoughts of suicide and things that I cannot control and I don't want to feel this way.' He said, 'Have you been praying in the name of Jesus?' I said, 'No, what's the difference?' And then he began to tell me, 'You know, walk the Romans road with me.' And you know, I mentioned I had Romans 10:13 down. I called on the name of the Lord, but Romans 10:9 says that all who confess Jesus with their mouth and believe in their heart, you're saved. He told me about Jesus, and said, 'When you pray and when you feel tormented, begin to pray in the name of Jesus.' And whenever I'd wake up and was tormented, I would get up and I'd begin to pray in the name of Jesus and I'd break through. And so I was like, 'Oh my goodness, this is real. There's power in the name of Jesus.'”

God began a work in Tasha's life through discipleship and studying the Bible. She is now serving as director of a residential recovery program for women going through the same struggles she once had. “I am thankful for the transformation God has done in my life,” says Tasha. “Now I have hope. Before I would wake up and I would just dread, dread the day already, dread my life. But now I wake up and I know God has more. I know that we're just getting started and it's exciting to serve God. I'm so thankful that He's restored my children back to me. I'm so thankful that He has allowed me to live a Genesis 50:20 life where with the enemy meant for evil, God turned around for the good, for the saving of many lives. Where I'm able to serve at Miriam House and just different places and see people's lives transformed. I'm grateful for that.”

For information on Miriam House, please visit www.miriamhouse.com.