Tasha Layton Credits Faith for Seeing her Through Life’s Seasons

ON TOUR WITH KATY PERRY

“Going on the road with seventy-five strangers was unlike anything I’d ever done before,” Tasha says. Though she was one of only a couple of people who called themselves Christian in the group, she says that was never a problem. “People knew what I believed, and they respected it.” It was a very positive, well-run environment, according to Tasha, who has nothing but good things to say about Katy and her management style.

Tasha had incredible opportunities to see the world, meet famous people, appear on the GRAMMYs, Saturday Night Live, and Late Show with David Letterman, visit Turkish baths, have a piranha pedicure, ride an ATV in Dubai, and go spelunking in New Zealand. While she learned much about life as a touring musician, she also was left with a new, informed view of fame: “My perspective on the spotlight, though, is atypical because I’ve already seen enough to know fame is not worth craving. ‘Success’ as the world defines it is not always what it’s cracked up to be, and I consider myself fortunate to have come to that knowledge during my years in the music industry in Los Angeles.”  
 
WOUNDED 

Having grown up in a loving, Christian family in South Carolina, Tasha first felt called to ministry in junior high, at age 13. By high school her faith grew steadily and she sang on the worship team. There she met a nice young man, whom she began dating. Little did she expect how someone else in the church would respond to their relationship. Tasha was accused of seducing the young man, embodying an evil spirit, and ultimately trying to split the entire church, she recalls painfully. “None of these rumors were true, but they were destructive nonetheless.”  

The woman’s attacks continued. “She looked at me and told me, ‘You only sing for yourself, Tasha. You’re not doing this for God.’” Though all the accusations were lies, Tasha was removed from the worship team, and internalized the falsehoods, starting to wonder if she really were an evil person. “The community where I’d once found God had unceremoniously decided I wasn’t worthy of their presence.”  

NOT WORTH LIVING

Time did not heal the wounds from her prior church experience, which she carried with her to college. “I was more depressed, isolated, and emotionally distraught than ever …” she says. “The Enemy’s lies continued to do their dirty work on my spirit. Though I had once believed in God’s love for me, my entire reality had changed. Not only was I disgusted with myself, but I was disgusted with myself for trying to act normal when not one thing was right within me. I even despised myself for feeling like I needed God’s help! It’s not too much to say that I fully hated myself in those moments, and I believed everyone else, maybe even God, hated me, too,” Tasha sadly recalls. Holed up in her dorm room one day, she closed her eyes, raised a loaded gun to her temple, and prepared to pull the trigger. Taking one more deep breath, the door, which she thought she’d locked, suddenly sprang open and a friend walked in. Seconds later, she says, the person would have been too late.  

GOD, WHERE WERE YOU? 

Tasha was slowly loved back to life – and her faith - by her family and some good friends, who simply allowed her time to heal and patiently waited until she could talk about all that was going on inside her. Looking back on that dark time in her life, she says, “One of the rewards of the Christian life is being able to experience full-circle moments: when you look around and realize that the past has led you to the present, and God has been the Author of it all. I’m not saying that everything will make sense in its time – some things only God can explain – but nothing compares to the exhilaration I feel when I can look around and say, 'Look at what God has done!'" 

Years after the suicide attempt, seminary, American Idol, and the Perry tour, Tasha was once again searching for answers. She wasn’t suicidal, and hadn’t abandoned her faith, but life hadn’t turned out like she hoped in terms of marriage and children, and she wondered what the next step in life was. She also still battled the hurts of the past. To deal with it all head-on, she once again turned to good Christian counseling, this time a two-week intensive session in the beauty of Colorado. “For days, Pete (her counselor) and I went through every instance of hurt that I could remember and sat in prayer until we heard what Jesus had to say on the matter. Where was He when it happened, and how did He feel about it? In those days of counseling, I could feel truth moving from my head to my heart. The transformation had begun.”  

When she allowed God to speak to her with His answers to those deep questions, she found healing. “I’ve been more honest with people and have worried less about their individual judgments. I try to be more vulnerable, and when I’m tempted to put on a façade, I remember that God doesn’t want that for me. Each of us is a masterpiece to Him, and we ought to see and treat each other (and ourselves!) that way.”  
 
THANK YOU FOR THE “NO”

One of Tasha’s hit songs is titled, “Thank You for the No,” in which she expresses gratitude for God not giving her that for which she was not yet ready. The chorus reads:
 
I say
 Thank You for the not yet
, Thank You for the not now
, For the hold on, 
For the silence, 
It took a while to see
 How You were saving me for something 
A little farther down the road
 And now I'm standing in Your better yes
 So thank you for the no
 Thank you for the no
 
Tasha knows well how it feels to hope for something – feeling worthy of love, a strong faith, a music career, marriage, children – and not see them come to fruition for what feels like forever. Before she met her husband, Keith, thoughts traipsed through her head like these: What did I do to deserve this loneliness? Why are You withholding one of the most important things I desire in life? “I wondered if God was punishing me for something or if I wasn’t good enough to deserve happiness.” With time, Tasha has come to see those hard times of waiting much more with God’s perspective on them. “God’s timing is, indeed, perfect. And His no today may just lead you to a much more beautiful yes.”
 
BALANCE

With a very, very full life including a husband, two young children, and a burgeoning music career, Tasha is well aware of the struggles to balance priorities. “The minute we forget to rest is the minute we forget we are made in God’s image,” she believes. “I don’t believe that God expects you to carry on in a way that deprives you of your needs … we must never sacrifice being for doing,” she exhorts. “Working is not living. Working and ‘getting things done’ are parts of life, but they are not who we are. If we aren’t intentional about listening for God, we can spend our entire lives being held hostage by what others think of us and not pursuing the things we are meant for. If you take stock of your schedule and there’s not enough time for loved ones and your own self-care, look for ways to change it. Ask God reveal to you if there are things you can let go of.”