How God Filled His Years of Emptiness

“All I was after was pleasing myself and getting what I wanted,” Shannon McNeal said while thinking back on his youth. “Whether it was with random girls, drugs, alcohol, violence – it really just helped to send me further and further down that spiral of darkness and I knew it wasn't going to end well, but I didn't care.”

Shannon grew up in a troubled home. His father left when he was 6, and his alcoholic mother was either working or out drinking at bars, leaving Shannon to be raised by his two older brothers who didn’t want him around.

“I really had the sense and the belief that nobody loved me,” Shannon said. “That I was in a place where there was a lot of insecurity forming, self-hatred, a lot of anger and frustration. And just really hurt – a lot of hurt.”

Because Shannon’s brothers were forced to look after him, he was soon exposed to their illicit hobbies.  

“Everything illegal,” Shannon said. “Robberies, running from the police. There was a lot of violence. You name it. At an early age, I was involved in all of that in one form or another with them as they had to, you know, just bring me along. Wild parties in the house. Sexual acts being done. Me being exposed to the pornography. It just became the way of life. It became the norm.”

As Shannon got older he began dealing drugs, stealing and starting fights, anything to win the approval of his brothers. He ended up in Juvenile Detention at fifteen where he encountered even more violence and racism. The experience only hardened his already calloused heart.

“That was one of my lowest moments,” Shannon said. “It wasn't a rehabilitation, it was more of a fortifying feelings and frustrations and angers that were already there. I didn't care if I lived another day. I didn't care if I ended up in jail for the rest of my life. There was nobody in my life that genuinely loved me. I had no purpose. So, suicide did come into play a few times. It was definitely something that was in my mind and in my heart that if I could just end it, everybody would be better off.”

When Shannon got out of juvie he went harder into drinking alcohol, using drugs and having sex, anything to numb the pain he was feeling inside. Participating in gang activity and more arrests pushed him to continue the destructive cycle. This went on for years until one day he met a girl.  

“What was different about Carrie than all the other girls that I was used to being around was that she had a loving heart,” Shannon said. “Considering that I had spent my whole life wanting something good, something loving, something kind to be involved in my life – this was something special. If this was going to be something that was going to work out then some things, a lot of things actually, about me were going to need to change. But I was so lost after twenty some years of living the way that I had been living, I didn't know how to go about doing that. I was feeling hopeless again.”

Knowing Shannon was struggling, a friend of his tried convincing him to attend church. Shannon was reluctant at first, but he eventually relented.  

“I just caved and I said, sure, why not? Nothing else has worked, so why not give the God thing a try,” Shannon said. “I walked into this little church and my whole life changed in that moment. I was introduced to, for the very first time, the things that I had been searching for – love, acceptance, no judgment. You know, these people genuinely cared, and they didn't even know anything about me.”

Shannon finally found the family he had been longing for at the church and he soon prayed – giving his life to Jesus Christ.

“And once I did it, I literally felt like a Mack truck had been removed from my shoulders,” Shannon said. “All those walls and those barriers that were placed over my heart to harden it throughout all those years of abuse and chaos was all removed. I no longer hated people. I no longer hated myself. I no longer had this sense of not caring what happened to me. All of a sudden now I care, and the author of that was Christ and I knew that He was ultimately what I needed. In that moment, I just surrendered everything to Him.”

Shannon committed himself to prayer, studying the Bible and serving in the church. He went on to marry Carrie and start a family. Now a pastor at the same church he credits for helping to save his life, Shannon says it was only the love of Christ that was able to shine light into the darkness of his heart.

“I'm just so grateful because looking back at who I was and where I came from to where He has me now, stark difference. Totally night and day,” Shannon said as he began to wipe away the tears running down his face. “What does Jesus mean to me? Everything. I couldn't picture my life without Him. I wouldn't want to picture my life without Him. He wants us to come to Him as we are and allow Him to clean you up with grace, with love and with mercy. There's no one that's too far gone. There's nothing that you could have done to not deserve His love, because it's a free gift. He freely gives it. And making the choice to give your life to Christ is going to be the first step in the greatest of steps of your life. Without a doubt.