When Purpose and Truth Collide

“My life was music. It was my purpose. It was my self-worth. It was everything.”

Kira Fontana’s passion for music started when she was a little girl. Learning to play piano by ear at five, and writing songs at seven, she was a natural. And as a young Catholic girl, she came to believe it was part of God’s plan.

“I would literally pray by my bedside every night, 'God, I'll go anywhere you want me to go. I'll do anything you want me to do. I just wanted to serve,'” recalls Kira. 

Music also became an escape from a sometimes, difficult home life that ended in her parents’ divorce.  
        
She said, “It had given me purpose out of a childhood that was very painful. So, I didn't have anything, but I had the music.”
 
Kira pursued her dreams with enthusiasm and went on to earn a Master’s in composition at Yale. Recognized as an accomplished pianist, singer, and songwriter, she released her first album in 2007. And while her music explored spiritual, positive themes, she’d begun to question her beliefs about God. 
        
“There were certain things that I just felt like I had to go a different direction,” Kira said. “But I did seek God. Now, looking back, I go 'Okay, is it the God of the Bible?' I was confused on certain things.”  
    
Then, in her early 30s, Kira moved to LA, ready to make a splash in the pop music industry. Her music, and her creative vision, however, received a chilly reception…the worst coming from a “higher up” in the music industry.
    
“This is meaning of life stuff, nobody wants to hear this. You need to write about this. You need to be the next... this person," said Kira. “And I just got the message, 'Nobody wants what you have to offer.' A depression sunk in like nothing I'd ever feIt, like I had no sense of purpose anymore. I stopped writing, I stopped singing.”
        
She did, however, find work as a vocal coach, and started working with top talent from around the world. That only made the pain of failure that much harder to swallow.
    
“They had what I thought I wanted, and so it was like this extra in my face all the time, 'Not only do you not have it, but you're going to watch everybody else have it all the time,'" said Kira.
    
To cope with her disappointment and shattered dreams, Kira dove deeper into her spiritual search, exploring meditation and eastern mysticism. Eventually she started attending a spiritual center in LA to pursue “truth” through “greater enlightenment.”
    
She said, “I let go of all concepts of Jesus, of the devil, of evil. God is more of a universal force of goodness and love and light. I'm meditating to feel more peace. I'm meditating to transcend the things I don't like about my environment. Because I think that's the goal. I'm seeking God in the way that I understand. It was all she had left.
        
“Here I was with the one thing left that made me feel safe in the world that gave me purpose and identity. So, the music had died and then I found that in the spirituality.”

Then in 2016, Kira heard a different version of truth. Her two brothers had been sharing their new-found faith in Jesus Christ. She remembers one of them challenging her to examine her beliefs.
        
“There was absolutely something spiritual in me that hated what he was saying,” said Kira. “And I said, 'Jesus is a great spiritual teacher. Jesus was very enlightened,' you know, whatever my New Agey view of Jesus was. And I literally had the gall to say, 'I just try to live like Jesus lived.' I'm not out drinking and partying and this and that. So, you might need that, but I don't.' I thought that I knew truth and I thought they were kinda stumbling around the darkness and kinda found something that worked for them. And I thought they were sinners, and I wasn’t!”  
    
There was one person she would listen to: her mother. She had also given her life to Christ. Her mother said, “Would you just pray to see truth? Just pray to see truth.”

And I said, "That I can do," said Kira. “I did it, over and over. And if there is anything to this Jesus thing, that He would show me who Jesus is.”
    
Kira says, as she prayed over the next year, God did show her truth, about Himself, and her need for a Savior. So, she stopped going to the spiritual center, and started attending church and a Bible study. One sermon made Kira realize her search all those years had more to do about her, than God.
        
“Everything I'd ever focused on was me,” said Kira. “I’ve fallen so short of what God would want. I just said, 'I hope you pull me out of this. Like, I’m willing to walk through this darkness, but I hope you pull me out of it because I can’t pull myself out.'” She said, “I was finally ready to let Him take over. And when I gave my life to Jesus it was a very serious thing for me.” 
        
Over the next few months, Kira prayed for God’s direction for her life. “He redeemed every area of my life that had been broken, everything I'd ever lost.”

That included her music. Following God’s lead, Kira started an independent Christian music label and started writing and recording worship music, finding fulfillment in pointing others to Jesus Christ. 
        
“All of my lost purpose, I got back. But it wasn't the worldly, tiny purpose I had, it was like, 'No, you're alive to serve me. You're alive to glorify me.' And it blew my whole world open and everything finally made sense.”