In The Midst of Tragedy: Trust

“He was one of a kind; not just as a father, but just as a man in general. We were best friends, and I couldn't have had a better father son relationship / He was more than just a hero to me.”
 
Blake Faulkner adored his father, Brian. In the fifteen-year-old’s eyes his dad was invincible, so when he learned Brian was hurt in a motorcycle accident, Blake believed he would recover.
 
‘I'll go see him at the hospital and sit with him for a couple hours and we'll talk. And I'll tell him he is not riding the bike again.”
 
Blake soon learned it was a lot more complicated. His dad was critically injured, and after ten days in the hospital, was declared braindead. Despite their prayers for his recovery, there was nothing more they could do.
 
“I went from, everything's gonna be okay I'm gonna be able to talk to my dad again, to he's gone, and just wanting to go talk to my dad at that time. But, you know, knowing I couldn't just tore me up. And it just angered me really bad. I didn't know how life was gonna turn out for me now 'cause he was my everything.”
 
Blake also questioned God.
 
‘“When I started praying more-- I felt like that's when I got the bad news and all this other stuff. And then I had the pastor tell me, everything's gonna be all right, and then I have more people telling me everything's gonna be all right, and I just felt like I'm just sitting here getting lied to, God's not wanting to help me out.  I blamed God. ‘Just why God? Why are you doing this?’”
 
In spite of his anger, Blake put on a brave face and began to attend church regularly.
 
“I wanted to go for my mom 'cause in my mind I wanted to be there for her. I knew I had to be strong. But it was, it was very hard to do that. And I was like, I just, I, I'll go, but I just don't think this is for me.”
 
Outwardly, Blake made a profession of faith and, at seventeen, was baptized. Inside, he was still angry and wrestling with doubts…and grief.
 
“I didn't have my best friend. I didn't have my mechanic. I didn't have my teacher, my influence. I lost my hero, you know? And, it's just, it was, it was hard for me to move on from that. I didn't wanna pray. I didn't think God was listening to me.” 
 
The following year, Blake moved out and got his own apartment. He shut God out completely and turned to drugs to try to find peace.
 
“I just constantly felt lost and constantly felt like there's something missing. Let me find this, lemme try this. Whatever I could try to do just to fill that void and make me not feel like I was.
 
It didn’t work and a few months later, Blake realized what his dad would say.
“‘I looked in the mirror and I said, ‘Wow, I've let you down. Wow, I'm a disgrace.’ I just felt like it was kind of the end of my rope. And I was like, I'm just gonna go to his grave and apologize and, you know, say a prayer. And I remember sitting there saying, “I'm sorry, Dad. I've really messed up. I've really let you down. I don't think I'll ever be the man that you are. And I'm sorry.”  I said a long prayer, asking for God for peace, asking for me to overcome these burdens and help me just be whole again. And it was just like a overwhelming peace just came over me. And right then I was like, ‘I'm gonna be okay.’ And it (laugh), it almost felt like I had someone touch my back. It was like, “Hey, step up. Everything's gonna be okay.” I knew that was the Lord.’”
The peace he felt let Blake know God was with him and heard his prayers.
 
“When he showed me that, that's all I needed. I just wanted him to talk to me. And he did. That is when I knew that it's time I needed to get right with the Lord.”  
Blake got off drugs, and completely surrendered his heart to God.  Not long after, he joined an apprenticeship program to become an electrician and, later, married. Blake is amazed at how building a relationship with his heavenly father has healed his heart.
“I'm waking up early, I'm doing devotions, I'm having my quiet time with God, and you know, any morning I skip that, I don't feel right. Whenever I pray, I feel peace about it. Nothing eats me up anymore because the Lord knows what he's doing and whatever he does is what's best for me. And I have to know that. And I do. The Lord always delivers. He does. And he's been good to me.”