God Can Heal the Pain of Loss

“We married at 19. We'd grown up together. He was my best friend. Our provider. My security, my go-to on a lot of things.”

Heather sometimes worried about the danger her husband, Brian Faulkner, faced as an agent for the Alabama Bureau of Investigation. But it wasn’t a bullet that would land him in the hospital fighting for his life; it was a motorcycle accident. His injuries were many, and Brian’s doctor told Heather and their son, Blake, that Brian had a fifty-fifty chance of surviving.

“I couldn't quit crying. I couldn't breathe,” Heather remembers. “Felt like a ton of bricks, had been set on my shoulders, and I went to this chapel--I was just drawn. I just needed to pray, to just surrender the fear, the pain, the anxiety. I just remember praying to God, telling Him I need His help because I couldn't do it by myself. So that was where I felt a peace, you know, that peace they talk about, that surpasses all understanding. I experienced that.”

Heather would need that peace. Ten days after the accident, Brian was pronounced brain-dead and needed to be taken off life support. Since he was an organ donor, the process would be prolonged.

“I was really at a loss. There was really nothing I could do except just cry and, you know, trust. We were able to go in and say our goodbyes, but they had to start that process of the organ donation and the match. That day was probably about the hardest day of my entire life. I don't think I have ever felt pain quite like that in my life. I've lost people close to me. I've lost grandparents. I've lost friends, but losing your person, it was hard. It was really hard.”

Heather was also concerned about Blake, who was fifteen.

“What I was most scared of is being alone, raising Blake by myself. He loved his dad, and he was so close to his dad, and I was so scared that he was going to just fall off the deep end and turn completely away from God.”

Later, on the ride home…

"It was just a roller coaster of emotions. It really was. I was just terrified, really. It was the scariest, most lonely time I'd ever gone through in my entire life. So, I went back to my bedroom, and I sat down on the bed, and I just cried out to Jesus, ‘Take the pain. I need the comfort and the peace that I felt that night in the hospital.’ I knew I couldn't do it alone. And I just cried out that God would provide for us. I just asked Him to give me comfort and to show me that He will be there, that He's gonna take care of us. And I don't know how long I was back there, but I had that overwhelming peace again. When I left my room that afternoon, I could breathe."

Over the coming days and months, the grief continued to resurface.

“It would come in waves. Some days I was great and then some days it was unbearable. Like, you don't wanna get out of bed, kind of grief. It was very, very lonely, coming home and not venting. I had no one to talk to, you know. Nights were really, really hard, because it was just me. But God showed me, through that time that even though when I was experiencing the severe grief and the sadness, he would always show me a glimmer of hope. And I chose to dwell on the good, because every time I'd start focusing on what God is doing in my life, He would continue to show me blessing after blessing.”

Heather began writing those blessings down. She also joined a bible study and started building relationships with other Christians.

"That was my saving grace, my church group, and my small group. I started running with a friend and I would run and pray to God and cry. God would put people in my life through a text, a call, in person, in the mail. It was like reminders, ‘Heather, it's okay. I'm still here.’ He used people to show me that He is in full control, and He is here with me. He's never gonna leave me, and He's gonna get me through those hard times."

Heather had her share of tough times that included raising a rebellious teenager, but she says God pulled them both through.

“I have never prayed so hard. And that God would just put a hedge of protection around him and only bring people that are good into his life. I wanted Blake to experience and find what I found, but he has to do it in his own time.”

And he did. Blake fully committed his life to Christ and later married. The healing Heather found through Christ also helped her carry on, and she married her husband, Sammy, in 2019. She wants others to know that God can heal the pain of loss.

"Prayer and my focus on Jesus is what brought me through my grief. I've experienced His goodness because I've experienced horrible pain. And I saw Him through every stage of that grief and that pain. He brought me through every stage. But my focus was on Him. It wasn't on what I dreaded, what I was dealing with. It was, ‘Okay, God, get me through. I need you to show out. I need you to show up.’ And He did. What I found is God is my provider. He's all I need, and when you learn that's all you need, that's what you depend on."