Demi-Leigh Tebow on Removing Our Labels

DIG

Demi-Leigh has found that some of the greatest moments of her life, though wonderful, could not and did not fulfill her deepest needs.  Her new book explores what she was missing at those times – an identity rooted in Christ alone – and how we all can come to rest in that truth.  With four sections, she helps us visualize finding one’s true identity through the analogy of gardening.  The first section, “Dig,” exhorts us to “untangle your identity from your label,” and to “dig into the falsehoods that trip us up and keep us from moving forward.”  With characteristic transparency, Demi-Leigh reveals some of the falsehoods that held her captive for years.  The largest one thus far in her life is how she felt after crowning her Miss Universe successor.  “The end of my reign as Miss Universe was my rug-ripped-from-underneath-my-six-inch-heels moment.  I had dedicated years of my life working toward that goal, and it was suddenly over in the space of the one minute and twenty-two seconds it took for me to do my farewell walk,” she recalls.  She says she felt stranded in a future that was no longer clear.  “It’s filled with doubt, questions, anxiety, and in my case, an identity crisis.  It was my identity.  My source of confidence.  I had no idea what I was going to do next.”  Demi went on to do the digging and planting she needed to do and found the answers. 

Years before that experience, Demi-Leigh went through a rough season with her family that caused her to doubt God’s goodness for a time.  Her parents divorced when she was young, and both later remarried.  When Demi was ten, she received the happy news that she was going to be a big sister, as her dad and stepmom were expecting.  Franje, her new sister, was born with cerebellar agenesis, “a rare condition in which the brain forms without the cerebellum, which controls smooth movement.  When it does not develop, the rest of the brain must compensate, which it cannot do completely” (Wikipedia).  Demi-Leigh says her family walked through an agonizing journey of medical treatments and caring for Franje.  It caused her to ask God many questions, such as: “Why won’t God heal her when I know He can?  Why did He allow this to happen to Franje?  Why do my parents have to see their daughter hurting?  Why does this feel so hopeless?  My faith was rattled throughout my teenage years into my early adulthood,” Demi admits.  Franje lived to nearly fourteen years old, then died in 2019. What she learned from Franje, Demi-Leigh says, is invaluable.  “My sister taught me that when we look at all human beings through God’s lens, we will know that everyone is an image-bearer of God.  There may be painful circumstances in your life that don’t make sense now but know that one day they will.  God’s trustworthy hand in it all is undeniable.  We may not get all the answers to our why questions this side of heaven, but we can choose to trust that God sees clearly.” 

PLANT

“Now that we’ve successfully dug, it’s time to plant!” Demi-Leigh exclaims.  On the heels of the difficult seasons of her life, she learned that every setback is rightly seen as an opportunity for growth.  “As many times as we get surprised by life’s setbacks or unexpected hardships that seemingly pop up out of nowhere – a global pandemic, a market crash, divorce papers, a bad diagnosis, a backhanded comment from a friend, a flight delay, or a flat tire – when it comes to our circumstances, they don’t surprise Him.”  She offers the example of a South African swimming prodigy named Natalie du Toit.  By age fourteen, Natalie was winning titles and dreamed of competing in the Olympics.  But three years later, her dreams were dashed when she lost her lower left leg in a terrible scooter accident.  With a positive attitude, Natalie worked through her devastation, returned to the pool, and four years later, competed in the Paralympics in Athens.  Four years after that, she competed in the Beijing Olympics against able-bodied swimmers!  “You may not be exactly where you hoped you’d be.  But that doesn’t mean you don’t have a purpose exactly where God has planted you,” Demi reminds us.  “Whether you feel you’re in a dead-end job or a career lacking purpose, a stay-at-home mom wondering what meaning you can find in the mound of laundry you’re folding, or still single after years of praying for a spouse, stop and look around. You have no idea of what hangs in the balance if you’d just be willing to be used, willing to show up right where God has planted you right now.” 
 
GROW

On a Wednesday afternoon in June 2017, Demi-Leigh was on her way to an event as Miss South Africa.  In bumper-to-bumper traffic, stopped at a light, she noticed three men walking between cars toward hers, and another man doing the same on her right.  She hoped they were simply trying to sell trinkets, which is common there, but something told her they had more nefarious plans.  Praying the light would change, the man on her right reached her car, and pointed a gun at her head through the windshield.  The other three men soon reached the car and surrounded it.  Demi-Leigh was terrified.  “With a gun aimed at my head and horror stories of similar situations flashing through my mind, I realized I had no choice but to surrender my vehicle and belongings.”  She was being carjacked – or worse.  When she tried to make a run for it, one of the men grabbed her wrist and growled that she was coming with them.  Demi-Leigh punched the man as hard as she could in the throat, startling him just enough to loosen his grip, and ran for her life – in six-inch heels.  She desperately knocked on 30-40 car windows as she ran down the street pleading for someone to rescue her.  Not a single person was willing … until finally, a young girl veered across four lanes of traffic and asked Demi if she was okay.  They sped away, and eventually the girl returned Demi to her event, where the pageant team helped her contact police.

Demi-Leigh suffered acute stress disorder for weeks afterward.  With time and therapy, she was able to turn her traumatic experience into a positive, founding the #Unbreakable conferences for women to learn life-saving and empowerment skills.  “God used my trauma and turned it into one of my life’s greatest purposes:  to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves, being a voice for the voiceless, and empowering women all over the world to break barriers and overcome challenges with confidence.”
 
FLOURISH

The only way to flourish in life, Demi believes, is to continue to grow and thrive.  “There are two powerful perspectives,” she says, “that help me keep a healthy perspective on what matters most: prioritizing excellence over perfection, and pursuing things that will last!”  She shares how the day before her and Tim’s January 2020 wedding in Cape Town, South Africa, a big storm hit.  “I’m talking fifty-mile-per-hour winds, six-foot waves thrashing, objects flying, and a torrential downpour.  That kind of storm!”  About 150 people had flown in from the US for the big day, and they had no backup plans for their outside ceremony.  The big day was rocky, too, she explains.  “My bridesmaids forgot their flowers, the vintage car that drove my dad and me to the venue broke down about four hundred yards from the venue, the videographer’s drone wouldn’t take off due to the strong winds, and I was certain the wind was going to rip my six-meter-long veil out of my perfect bun. Our wedding day was crazy windy, our guests were freezing, and things went flying all day, but everyone showed up with awesome attitudes to celebrate Tim and me.” 

Demi-Leigh says she’s learned that “When you feel you must always be put together and present the perfect version of yourself, you don’t leave any room for the authentic and messy side, which is glorious!  An eternal perspective … encourages us ‘to look through’ immediate circumstances and move forward, in light of eternity, knowing that in Christ we have purpose, hope, and ultimately victory because we know how this story ends.” 

For more on Demi Tebow: www.DemiTebow.com