Experiencing a Love Beyond a Father’s Comprehension

“I was just a tougher dude and had a short fuse. I wouldn’t really consider myself an angry person like walking around angry all the time. People had to be respectful. And if they didn’t, I would take them by the throat.”

Darin Hamm never understood why people angered him so easily. Raised in a loving home, he was constantly getting into fights as a boy. Then, taking over his family’s struggling sanitation business at 19 and dealing with greedy, deceitful customers only made it worse. He recalls, “That’s when I kind of learned the dark side of people. The way they will attack, belittle, and demean you. I thought I was right and everybody else was wrong.”  

His volatile nature would spill into other areas of his life. In 2002 at 26-years old, Darin married Jen and started a family. As long as no one crossed him, he was fine. Jen recalls, “He never got physical with me. He mostly was volatile. Like he would just lose it, lose his temper. Everybody knew that you could say the wrong thing to Darin and it’s gonna be a problem.”

As their family grew, Jen, who was raised Catholic, wanted to reconnect with God. She started going to church hoping it would help their marriage, yet Darin wanted nothing to do with Jesus, the church, or the people in it.

Darin says, “When she got home I’d be disgusted. I would tell her she’s chasing the invisible man.”

Jen recalls, “Darin, through business, felt like the Christians were the ones being the worst to him. He did not like hypocrisy. It really turned him off of the church.”

Over the years, Jen grew tired of walking on eggshells around her husband. She says, “I was very unhappy in our marriage. I definitely considered getting a divorce.” So in 2009 she convinced Darin to go to marriage counseling. He says, “I was oblivious. I was so self-absorbed that I didn’t recognize any issues in our marriage. I didn’t see the problem and I did not want to change.”

She recalls, “It turned into big fights about it.”

After two years of counseling, Darin stopped going. A short time later the therapist took Jen aside. She says, “He was like, ‘Look, I’m a Christian counselor, and you should leave your husband. He’s a caveman.’ It was a gut punch to me at the time because I was like, ‘No, I need help.'”

Jen decided to stay for their two boys, Dillon, a young teenager, and Griffin, a toddler. She recalls, “After the counseling, I pretty much accepted that I'm just going to live this life of misery and that’s just how it’s going to be.”

Then in January 2011, Griffin – then two years old -- developed sudden breathing problems. Within days he was hospitalized and in cardiac distress. There was little doctors could do. Sitting by Griffin’s hospital bed, Darin began to hope, maybe Jesus existed after all.

Darin says, “I was in such desperation that if there was a possibility of that being true, I would exhaust all possibilities.”

Four days later, doctors declared Griffin brain dead. Darin recalls, “I felt weak. I felt for the first time in my life that I wasn’t tough enough.”

Jen spent most of that day holding Griffin and saying goodbye to him. When evening came, Darin mustered the strength to hold his little boy. He recalls, “I squeezed his hand. And I instantly was taken to Heaven. I could see Griffin, he was just so happy, I was in awe. I couldn’t believe what was happening, that I thought it was over. And hopeless. And here he was fully alive and vibrant, the happiest he had ever been.”

Darin says Griffin started talking to someone. Darin couldn’t see who it was but somehow knew it was Jesus. Feeling God’s love for the first time, Darin finally saw the truth about himself and God. He says, “I knew my sin condition, I knew painlessness of Heaven. I knew the love of God and I was shocked at the depth of love that He had for me, especially considering the type of brute that I was. I immediately was a believer.”

It was then Darin accepted that his son was in God’s hands. He says, “I was very aware that as much as I loved Griffin, it was incomparable to how much God loves him and that Griffin is safe. And then I immediately was back in that hospital.”

Sadly, Griffin died the next day. Through grief and tears Jen noticed for once Darin didn’t lash out in anger. He was at peace. Then he told her and everyone else what he’d witnessed.

Jen says, “Darin immediately was telling everybody, ‘It’s all about love and relationships, it’s all about love and relationships. Griffin is going to be in a good place.’”

His anger completely gone, Darin began seeking God, reading his Bible, and going to church with his family. He recalls, “I could understand God’s love, His agape, and the differences in love. So as I would read the Bible it would unfold to me. And my marriage was immediately healed. I saw everything that I had put her through and I knew her love. I knew that I was selfish.”

Jen says, “Darin’s a new man. I always say that it’s like a Saul to Paul type experience with Darin.” 

Almost two years after Griffin’s death, Darin and Jen had a daughter, Alaina. Darin says the reality of Christ’s love has transformed his life completely. He says, “It makes me cry. The thought of His love just brings tears to my eyes. It’s deeper than what can be known.”