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‘I’m Watching This Over and Over Again’: Jarrid Wilson’s Wife Posts Gut-Wrenching Video Taken Just Hours Before His Death


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Juli Wilson, the wife of Pastor Jarrid Wilson, the mental health advocate who tragically took his own life late Monday evening, shared a beautiful yet haunting video on Instagram that shows how cruelly hidden mental illness often remains.

Her posts provide a glimpse into the wonderful man Jarrid was, and the grief suicide leaves in its wake. They also provide the answer as to how someone seemingly so in tune with a particular issue could fall victim to it.

Faithwire: Beloved Pastor, Mental Health Advocate Tragically Takes His Own Life

“Can’t sleep, so I’m watching this video over and over again,” she said about the adorable clip taken just hours before her young husband’s death, in which he joyfully played with one of his two young sons at a baseball field.


Can’t sleep, so I’m watching this video over and over again . I took this on Monday evening around 7:30 pm at our son’s baseball practice. By 11:45 that night, my sweet husband was in the presence of Jesus. I love you, jarrid. I miss you beyond what my heart can stand. Thank you for loving our boys and I with the greatest passion and selflessness I’ve ever seen or felt in my entire life . I’d do anything for a hug from you right now. I keep hearing on repeat what you told me all day every single day, “gosh I frieking (how he always spelled it) love you.” Longing to be with you, longing to make you proud. The boys and I miss you so much. I frieking love you too. So much more than you could ever know. Wish I could tell you that right now. We all do .

A post shared by Julianne Wilson (@itsjuliwilson) on

Seeing his outward joy is a stark reminder that no matter what you see on the outside, what’s beneath the surface can never be truly and fully known.

The news has shocked the Christian community. While the outpouring of prayer and financial support — a GoFundMe set up by writer Jonathan Merritt has already raised more than $30,000 — has been an encouragement for Jarrid’s family and church community, people are also pondering tough questions.

There is also quite a bit of struggle to understand. Many are baffled by the fact an outspoken proponent of mental health issues with such awareness and embrace of Christ’s love could possibly meet such a tragic end.

In a tribute posted yesterday, Juli — perhaps unwittingly — provided the answer. Her tribute post contained the answer to how even someone like Jarrid — a beloved pastor, a mental health advocate, a successful author, a husband, and a father with a beautiful and loving family — could be susceptible to such a horrific fate.

She said “suicide and depression fed you the worst lies” before adding “but you knew the truth of Jesus and I know you’re right by His side this very second.”


My loving, giving, kind-hearted, encouraging, handsome, hilarious, give the shirt of his back husband went to be with Jesus late last night . No more pain, my jerry, no more struggle. You are made complete and you are finally free. Suicide and depression fed you the worst lies, but you knew the truth of Jesus and I know you’re by his side right this very second . I love you forever, Thomas jarrid Wilson, but I have to say that you being gone has completely ripped my heart out of my chest. You loved me and our boys relentlessly and I am forever grateful that i had YOU as a husband and a father to our boys . You are my forever and I will continue to let other people know of the hope in Jesus you found and spoke so boldly about . Suicide doesn’t get the last word. I won’t let it. You always said “Hope Gets the last word. Jesus gets the last word”. Your life’s work has lead thousands to the feet of Jesus and your boldness to tell other about your struggle with anxiety and depression has helped so many other people feel like they weren’t alone. YOU WERE an ANTHEM OF HOPE to everyone, baby, and I’ll do my best to continue your legacy of love until my last breath . I need you, jare, but you needed Jesus to hold you and I have to be okay with that. You are everything to me. Since the day we met. J & J. Love you more . These are photos of him in his happy place - fishing the day away . I’ll teach our boys all your tricks, babe. Promise. You are my #anthemofhope

A post shared by Julianne Wilson (@itsjuliwilson) on

He was fed lies. Sadly, apparently in a weak moment, he believed those lies told by the enemy about suicide and depression.

Some have been quick to judge online, which is sad in and of itself because we should just be grieving with Juli and her family. But isn’t that what we all do anytime we sin? We believe the lie.

When we look at pornography or cheat on our spouses, we believe the lie that this momentary pleasure will be worth the price paid.

When we get angry or yell or otherwise abuse our spouses — or anyone in our lives — we believe the lie that lashing out will somehow change, improve, or fix things.

When we worry and fuel our anxieties, we believe the lie that God will not keep his myriad promises.

When we get drunk or high, we believe the lie that our pain will go away, or that these substances will lead to happiness.

These are just a few of the countless ways in which we believe the lie. It’s the same old trick the enemy has been using since the beginning of time — Adam and Eve believed the lie that eating the apple would make them just like God.

They believed the lie that God was holding out on them.

Unfortunately, when it comes to suicide, it is an irrevocable act that can’t be undone. But it is otherwise no different from any other of the multitude of sins we commit on a daily basis.

If we were to die in the midst of, say, watching pornography or cheating on a spouse or getting high on drugs — is that person unforgiven by God because they happened to perish in the midst of sin?

I fully believe, as both Pastor Greg Laurie and Juli do, that Jarrid is in the loving arms of his Savior Jesus. I’m deeply saddened he believed — if only for a moment — the lie that the world was better off without him, or that he couldn’t do it anymore, or whatever lie Satan fed him. I hope and pray not one more single solitary soul believes the same lie.

We have to remember we are in a spiritual battle against “forces of wickedness.” There is no neutral ground. If you’re not running to Jesus every second of every day, you are leaving your guard down. And the enemy “prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”

Be on high alert at all times. Don’t ever believe the lies, not even for a second. And may God’s mercy, as it ever is, be on us when we fall short.

Continue to pray for Juli and her family, and for all of those who struggle to defeat the lie. Put on the armor of God, and stand firm in the faith.

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About The Author

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Dan Andros is the Managing Editor for CBN News and hosts the Quick Start Podcast (7 am M-F) and the weekly show Faith vs. Culture on the CBN News Channel. He also created the documentary Six Days in Iraq and previously was Head Writer for The Glenn Beck Program on Fox News and TheBlaze TV.