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Keys to a Valentine's Victory: How to Use 'God's Bonding Process' to Build Your Relationship


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Valentine's Day is here and romance is on many people's minds. But while some people love the holiday, others dread it for a variety of reasons.

From dating couples to married couples, many feel a lot of pressure when Valentine's Day rolls around.

Some feel that pressure because they put too much emphasis on this one day, while others don't want to celebrate it because they're trapped in a painful cycle of conflict with their loved one.

But Valentine's Day can actually play an important role when it comes to building a healthy marriage, according to Dr. Jesse Gill, a clinical psychologist who specializes in marriage therapy.

Dr. Jesse Gill says there is plenty of hope for couples caught in conflict, as well as for couples who simply want to open a new romantic chapter in their marriage. Click play to watch.

Gill is author of the new book, Face to Face: Seven Keys to a Secure Marriage

He says couples should temper their expectations but also recognize Valentine's Day is a great opportunity.

One key to a successful Valentine's Day he says is to take the time to find out what your spouse's real needs and desires are, and celebrate the day in a way that shows you truly know him or her.

Gill says we should not ignore Valentine's Day, but we also shouldn't ignore our partner's needs throughout the year. He points out it's the perfect launching point to begin building a healthier more fulfilling marriage, all year long.

Part of that process involves learning what your spouse's attachment style is.

Gill calls it "God's bonding process." He explains that we all develop a unique attachment style with our caregivers when we're children, and that same method of connection stays with us throughout our lives.

That's why it's important to learn your spouse's attachment style so you have a better understanding of their needs and why they respond the way they do during conflict.

Gill explains more what those styles look like and how they work, in his book, Face to Face.

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