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Gay Label Falls Short of New Identity

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I thought the whole purpose of my life and meaning of my life was finding true love in another human being - in a guy - and finding and success in my career.

So at a very young age, I knew that I was attracted to the same sex. I had to keep it to myself. I dated, you know, girls. In elementary school, I went steady with girls. In high school I dated girls. But it was all a façade. After college. I ended up moving to LA to pursue acting and writing and kind of a creative - more of a creative field. I just came out to everyone. That’s when I fully embraced Homosexuality as my identity.

After each relationship with a guy, and after it would end, I had total amnesia that it - how it all ended. And I would think, oh, the next guy is going to be perfect and the next guy is going to be amazing. And of course like two years later, it's over, you know. There's cheating, infidelity, and it's over.

At this point in my life, I was very successful in my career as a set designer, production designer. I mean, I was doing covers for Vogue and for Harper's Bazaar. I worked with a lot of pop stars like Katy Perry and Paris Hilton and Oprah. Like everyone you can imagine – I worked with them. And I also started my own men's fashion line that was successful. Our clothes were in, you know, LA, New York, Paris. I went to all the shows. I went to all the after parties.

I was at this one after party in Paris, and I remember, just - everyone was there from the fashion world. I think Kanye was there that year, and I was kind of looking out over the crowd, it just struck me so profoundly. I was like, is that all there is to life? Just going to parties for the rest of my life, is this what it’s all about? And I really started to panic that night. I was overwhelmed with a sense of emptiness. 

I got back to LA and got busy with work for about six months. I was at a coffee shop in Silver Lake with my best friend. And he was gay too. And we noticed, shockingly, that there was a table next to us with Bibles on the table.

This was the first time I'd seen a Bible in public in Los Angeles ever. And by that point in my life, I was - I was a practical atheist. Finally I just turned around and I said, ‘Are you guys Christians?’ And they just - they laid it out for me. They told me what they believe. They told me the gospel. ‘So what is your church in Hollywood believe about homosexuality?’ And they were just like, ‘Well, you know, we believe it's a sin,’ And what's interesting about that is, number one, I appreciated how kind of frank they were and honest. They invited me to church the following Sunday. And I-I was like, ‘I don't know if I'm going to go to your church, but I'll think about it.’ And then the following Sunday, I wake up and I'm like, ‘I guess I'm just going to go to this church today.’

The pastor comes out and he starts preaching on Romans chapter seven and something strange started happening. Everything he was saying, every word he was saying, every sentence he was saying started to resonate this truth in my mind, in my heart, and I didn't know why. I was on the edge of my seat, literally on the edge of my seat.

It was the first time I had really heard the gospel and understood it... And before he left, he invited people to get prayed with on the side of the church.

I go up to this guy, a stranger and I say, ‘I don't know what I believe, but I – but I'm here.’ And he said, ‘Okay, let me pray for you.’ And he laid hands on me and prayed for me. It seemed really intense and long. And I just remember thinking, why does this straight dude love me so much? Because it seems so loving what he was saying and praying. 

And all of a sudden, the Holy Spirit is just like - like floods me, and God has revealed Himself to me in that moment. And He's like, ‘You're now adopted into my kingdom. Welcome.’ And I was like, ‘Whoa!’ And I just like started bawling, hysterically bawling. 

And I knew, in that moment, I knew into the core of my being that being gay was no longer who I was. But I didn't care. Like I had just met Jesus Christ.

Some people might say that I'm just suppressing who I really am, but they don't get it because, you know, I lived that life for a really long time and I marched in gay pride parades. I marched in gay marriage equality parades. I was super gay. I tried that for 30 years. This is actually, really who I am now.

My hope is that people will realize how much more amazing it is to deny yourself and follow Christ rather than to just give in to sin now just to satisfy some immediate need. 

It's not a happiness from the world. It's a joy that comes from Christ. With God, I feel this unconditional love from Him that will never leave. Like He'll never leave or forsake me. I'm happy to leave that dead man behind because He's worth it.

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The 700

The 700 Club is a live television program that airs each weekday. It is produced before a studio audience at the broadcast facilities of The Christian Broadcasting Network (CBN) in Virginia Beach, Virginia. On the air continuously since 1966, it is one of the longest-running programs in broadcast history. The program is hosted by Pat Robertson, Terry Meeuwsen, and Gordon Robertson, with news anchor John Jessup. The 700 Club is a mix of news and commentary, interviews, feature stories, and Christian ministry. The 700 Club can be seen in 96 percent of the homes in the U.S. and is carried on