Healing a Broken Marriage

“I was helpless. And just listening to Tinasha just in agony, you know, go through the phone and really asking questions,” Jason Gray says. “And at that moment, I was in fear of our marriage at that point because it's like, ‘Now what do I do?’ I'm busted.’”

Tinasha Gray thought her marriage with Jason was strong--until one day in 2014 when he accidentally left his phone in her car before boarding a plane to Trinidad. He later borrowed a phone to call her. “She asked me for the password, which I was very reluctant to give her the password. And then when she opened up the phone, I heard her scream. That's when everything came crashing.” 

On the phone were text messages and graphic photos of Jason with other women.

Tinasha recalls, “My initial reaction was utter shock. I felt, emotionally I passed out. I emotionally, I blanked out, and I just knew my world was crumbling.” 

“All of my indiscretions, everything. I saved everything on my telephone--pictures, everything was there: text messages. I didn't delete anything. Whatever you can imagine, was on that phone,” Jason says. 

Jason had grown up in the church and lived an outwardly Christian life which was attractive to Tinasha when they first began dating.  

“I lived in New York and he lived in Florida at the time, but I did not have a thought that he would not be faithful,” she says. He went to church. He paid his tithes. He seemed like a great contributing member to society.”
 
“I felt a connection. I really felt like she was the one,” Jason remembers. “She was very ambitious. And that was one of the things that really attracted me to her, not only just her looks, but her intellect.”

The couple had three sons and were happy for many years. But after what they now refer to as ‘the epic event,’ their marriage was in crisis.

“During the ten years after we got married, I didn't have any sexual relationships with any women, but I had a lot of emotional relationships, and I had a lot of inappropriate conversations leading up to the epic event,” Jason says. “That epic event happened after I met my affair partner back in 2014. And that, of course, the epic event exposed everything else that was going on in my life at the time.”
 
“On the day when I dropped Jason off at the airport, I had a feeling, even before I got home, that this phone has the answers,” Tinasha says. “There are some things that are locked up in here that I need to get into.”

Jason had three days to think before he returned from Trinidad. “When I arrived home, the first thing I did was drop to my knees and ask for her forgiveness. I was filled with all sorts of emotion. And what really hurt me was to see how she was responding to all of this, because here I am, the love of her life, a person that she put on a pedestal, and I betrayed her trust. I mean, I not only betrayed it, but I went and I ran through the wall of trust with a semi-truck.”

“And I just truly said to him, 'I can't help you. But I know someone who can. His name is Jesus,'” Tinasha says. “Here’s a journal; here's a book; here's a pen; please. There's a room upstairs. Go meet with God.”

Jason spent the next week in their spare room fasting and praying. “I had no distractions. I did a lot of reading. And I felt the presence of the Lord in that room that I was in,” he says. “So I had a really strong encounter because I completely surrendered.”

The healing process was challenging and took time.

“I felt like I needed a good understanding of what happened because I needed to put the pieces together,” Tinasha says. “How did this all occur? Why? When? How? With who? When? Just every question in the book.”

“She was angry. She hated me at times,” Jason says. “And it was tough, and there were times where I wanted to walk away from the marriage, and I felt like there were times that she tried to push me away to see what I was made of.”

God was working on Tinasha’s heart also. “I knew she was praying for me regardless if the marriage was going to survive or not, just for my own well-being,” Jason says, “because that’s what she does.”
 
“I knew that I had to forgive Jason,” Tinasha says. “I did it out of obedience to God. And once I did it, I felt free. And we continued the journey of going to counseling. I said to him, ‘I forgive you and you have a clean slate. Do whatever you want to do with it.’”

Jason humbly received the grace given to him and is totally committed to Tinasha. The couple later wrote a book about their experiences. “It was a long journey to reconciliation” she says. “It really took us going to many different classes. Jason did a Conquer Series with men that dealt with addiction, and then together we did a Marriage for Life group with other couples. We did a lot of work. Plus, we were committed to just talking,”

Today their marriage is stronger than ever. They also host a weekly marriage podcast together to help other couples address the roots of their problems before it’s too late.

“Don't give up,” Jason urges. “God can restore anything if you're willing to work at it. And Tinasha always says that it takes two, but it starts off with one person. And that's always been our testimony.”
 
“Spending time together, quality time, making that time to connect is what I would advise couples to stand firm, and be unmovable about those date nights,” Tinasha says. “Keep going; don't stop; don't stop connecting. And be true to the process of healing, growing. That's what we believe for other couples, and we've seen it in our own lives.”