Life as A Gang Member Fizzles Upon Reflection

Robert Ortega learned at a young age he had to be tough. Anything less was a sign of weakness. He recalls, “I learned to simply, retaliate in a different way, which was shooting at people. You couldn't just go to the store without packing a gun.” The place Robert called home was a violent, impoverished neighborhood in El Paso, Texas. Despite his single mom’s best efforts she couldn’t keep her son away from the streets. He says, “We created a gang at a very young age. We started to rumble in the parks. We started to fight. We started to experience drugs. We started to smoke weed. We started to drink, and then women came around the picture. So, I started to look for love with my friends.” 

Throughout junior high and high school, Robert had several brushes with the law. Then, at 19, he was sentenced to five years in prison for possession of an unregistered weapon. Again, he turned to the gangs. He says, “They were my family. It made me feel like I was just the top dog. I was a person that wasn't, wasn't gonna tolerate anything. And, and if I had to act in violence, I would act in violence.” As violent as he was, there was a part of Robert that longed for a different life. He recalls, “There was moments I would sit in my bed, in my cell, and I would, I would tear up. I would tear up because I wanted to get out and do the right thing.” 

So after his release Robert got a job and tried to stay out of trouble. However, he couldn’t resist the call of the streets with the easy money, drugs and now, power. He says, “I saw more money coming in faster, and I just got attracted more and more into the lifestyle I knew there was a lot of people that wanted to be around me and wanted what I had and it made me feel important.”  Soon he was a gang leader controlling part of El Paso. Yet… as his prominence grew, so did a growing feeling of depression and anxiety. He recalls, “You put up this mask that, that says everything's gonna be all right. But deep down inside, it's a different story. So, I started to kind of put up, built these walls around me.” 

In 2002 he met, Miriam. Together they continued down a destructive road of drugs and violence. He recalls, “It became a very dark life right after that. We lived the life of strife. We were hooked on drugs. We did, just many things that brought a lot of regret. It brought more depression. It brought, it brought more anxiety.”

It would take 10 years of addiction, violence, and depression before Robert had enough. It came one morning after an all-night party. He says, “I felt so, so dirty. I felt so much pain. I felt so much distress. I felt so much agony. And I got to my knees and, and I asked the Lord, I told him, I kind of yelled it out. I said, 'If you're real, then help me.' Something touched my shoulder. I kind of looked to the side to see what, what was that? And I felt this sense of peace.” 

Feeling hope for the first time, a now 37-year-old Robert tried to distance himself from his gang. He also started attending church yet, his addictions still ran his life. He says, “I just didn't know how to escape that lifestyle. I would go to church on a Wednesday. I'll go to church on a Sunday, and I would stay clean for a month or two and relapse.” Then one day after church, a friend explained to Robert that being a Christian was about having a relationship with Jesus… not just trying to be good. It was then Robert asked God to forgive him and accepted Jesus into his heart. He says, “And I thought to myself, I've just became a new man. Now. I have reason to live, And I thought to myself, if I'm gonna follow God, I need to leave all these drugs and this alcohol, I need to serve just one master. It brought a lot of peace to my heart.” 

Through discipleship and prayer Robert turned his life around and was free from the drugs and violence. He cut his gang ties and was spared any retaliation when most of the gang was arrested days later. He says, “God reminded me, look what I took you out of. I have a new life for you.”

His radical change inspired Miriam to  accept Jesus as her savior and the two married that year. Together they are back on the streets for a different reason - to share the love of God and the joy a life with him can bring. He says, “I see some of the people I was affiliated, some of the people I grew up with and I tell them walking with the Lord is it brings you a fulfillment that you'll never experience in, in drugs or in alcohol or in this lifestyle. There's healing. And don't lose hope. There's a way out. And the way out is through, through Christ and Christ alone.”